All over the world, on a daily basis, people are struggling with one thing or another, whether it is: poverty, hunger, divorce, etc. Now, most people don’t choose to struggle, or become the underdog intentionally, but sometimes life makes it impossible to evade certain challenges. Addiction to drugs or alcohol is amongst those critical life challenges that can become nearly impossible to overcome. The ones that do overcome can develop a sense of meaning in their lives, that was once lost.
There are several stages of addiction, each stage worse than the next. At first drug use may seem manageable, controllable if you will. “I guess really I started because I saw everyone in my family use drugs and alcohol to cope with life, so I figured if it worked for them, it’d work for me”, she said as she took another sip of her Dr. Pepper. I first met Mary first 10 years ago in middle school. We’ve always been pretty close, and the fact that we have both suffered from addiction and have both healed through recovery, makes us even closer today. She has become such a big influence on my life, and she has seen me at my worse, and still accepts me today.
Addiction is an extremely controversial issue. The argument between whether addiction is a choice or a disease is a non-stop disagreement that is neither here, nor there because no one would purposefully choose to lose everything for a substance. From my personal experience, it angers me that people think that we would choose this life for ourselves. Mary agrees: “It was never my intention to allow myself so completely unable to control my actions once drugs were introduced to my life. Did I choose to become addicted to them? No, absolutely not. I will admit, however, that I chose to first introduce them into my life as a coping agent for day to day issues I was having, but I wasn’t thinking of the long term effects when I initially did them.” I could sense that she was becoming a little emotional as she started to remember the beginning of her drug use 8 years ago, she became a little uneasy, and started to fidget. It was getting late, and we both had work in the morning so we decided it would be best to call it a day, and start fresh tomorrow.
Personally, I believe that when we’re growing up our parents do their best to instill morals and values in us, so that we can become civilians whom can respect authority and do the right thing on a daily basis. Addiction ensures that slowly but surely we let go of ourselves. “I still remember the moment when I realized that it became more than just something I did to cope. It became a part of me, my worst enemy, and my biggest need. It was no longer just something I did occasionally. It stopped being appealing, or ‘fun’.” Being in an active addiction causes someone to lose sight of all morals, and values to be lost. Anything that was once fun, no longer is. Just getting out of bed in the morning becomes a challenge in itself. “Honestly, the worst part of the whole thing was the moment when I stopped caring about who I was, and no longer respected others. Eventually, it became too expensive for my income alone, so I would just steal from anyone or anywhere just to get by. I’m not proud of it, but it happened.” Despite the fact that I already knew all the bad she had done and all the trials she had underwent, I could feel her pain and see it in her eyes that she was sincerely ashamed that she let her life get to that point. She had lost all of her values that she once stood so strong on.
Dictionary.com defines wits’ end as “limit of one’s sanity or mental capacity/ point of desperation”. That is exactly the point to which addiction leads people straight to. “I definitely no longer wanted to live, so I wasn’t being proactive about trying to find a solution for this sad life that I created for myself. It was such a catch 22 because I was miserable, but I was too far gone to do anything positive to correct it.” She started to tear up, and asked if she could go smoke a cigarette, so we sat outside and she explained that life wasn’t worth living at that point in her life anymore. “I finally hit my rock bottom (the lowest point ever reached in one’s life), and that’s when I realized I was the only one that could pull me out of this hell hole. I admitted myself to rehab, which was extremely humbling having to admit that I even needed help, but it was the best decision I have ever made. I’m no longer the underdog, I am a survivor, and I have to remind myself of that every day.” I still remember both of us hitting our rock bottom, almost simultaneously. Once that point is reached, it is nearly impossible to actually gather up enough strength to recollect yourself, and undo all the wrongs.
Addiction takes people down a road that is essentially a dead end, and a seemingly never ending road to death. Once, the initiative is taken to make a better life for one’s self then the recovery process may begin. Recovery is a difficult obstacle that is challenged daily with constant temptation, but once the decision has been made to stick with it, and keep living right the addict can continue loving them self and no longer be an underdog. Mary is truly a survivor. She no longer lives in self-pity, but self-worth. There is hope after addiction
